Have It All
June 1, 2024
There’s nothing like spending 3 days alone in the woods to make you feel grateful for what you have. Well, my dog was with me and one of my dearest friends popped by, but that was the most alone time I’ve had in awhile. Moms don’t really get alone time. Sure the house may be empty for a night, but not days of only yourself to keep you company.
I love spending time in nature. To me there’s nothing like a gorgeous mountain view with the perfect blue sky as a backdrop. I’ve been obsessed since I was 10 years old and saw mountains for the first time when we moved across the county. I rediscovered my love for them during college, living an hour from the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. We would go play in the icy mountain streams and hike in packs along some of the most picturesque trails I had ever seen at the time. Those were some of my fondest memories from my college years.
So fast forward to last week when I needed a reset, a change of scenery, and decided to camp. In a tent. By myself. What was I thinking? I ended up at a walk-in site that was pretty secluded, about a quarter mile from the parking lot. Don’t get me wrong it was amazing but there were definitely moments when I thought I might die. There may or may not have been bear noises during the first night and I felt haunted by the words “I have been waiting for you” scratched in the dirt near my campsite. Nature brought wind and the threat of rain, but mostly my time was filled with peace. I stared at the campfire, listened to music, talked to God, and contemplated life. I hiked, I napped and read books in the open air, and took probably the best/worst shower ever known to mankind.
When I got home I slept like a rock, you know that good sleep that comes after doing something hard. Later that day something hit me. I was having a conversation that usually would annoy me but instead I felt this immense gratitude. I felt so grateful for conversations, even annoying ones. Grateful for my cozy bed and my dog who hopefully would’ve protected me from that hypothetical bear or serial killer. Grateful for my kids even though they never put their dishes in the sink. Grateful for the blessings I often overlook because I’m often too focused on what I don’t have.
I do that. I think too much about things I want, things I think I need or deserve that I’m actually missing out on all the things I already have. In reality I have everything I need. Things don’t always work out the way we envision them but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t good in our present circumstances.
I think that’s a secret I’ve been missing out on. Each moment of our lives provides an opportunity for joy by being fully present. Even in difficult moments if you really lean in you can find it- a few extra moments in the car with some good music when you’re stuck in traffic, deepening connections by providing comfort to someone who is hurting- moments that challenge us in ways that can make us stronger and more compassionate if we let them. Even when we wouldn’t have chosen that for ourselves. Life is a gift and every precious moment, good or bad, is a part of that gift. I don’t even want to say anymore that good things are coming because then the focus is still on the future and not on the present. The present is really all we have. The past is gone and our future is yet to be seen. So for now, in this present moment, I absolutely without a doubt, have it all.